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If you let me I could, I'd show you how to build your fences
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Monday, December 05, 2005, 10:38 PM
14 year old
Job scope:
I simply lost count of the times i 'am chio' over the comp at the corner of the office over our MSN convos about messaging certain member of the Machi gang and intro him to my fren. Crazy bunch lar we, but super fun to work with someone that you know so well, and just a sentence of our convos can make us grin at the computer for a long time. (i know, i look up to Pinch's desk to see her laughing at my convo window! hee!) Been busy with church stuff, with the selling of T-shirts and Christmas Party registration. Yup, not to mention being scolded by a leader severely for misplacing her stuff during the sale. Sick leh, it's been 2..3..4 YEARS since I got scolded in front of pastors and leaders and some Youths for forgetting to bring along a bag which contains a firewire and a manual. SHE SCOLDED ME AS IF I WAS A 14 YR OLD. It's like screaming and saying things huffily, 'You are a BAD testimony! ONE MORE TIME you gonna misplace my stuff, I WILL HOLD YOU FULLY RESPONSIBLE FOR IT!', coupled with a few diao-ing and rolling of eyes from her. I mean, HELLO, she forgot to charge the videocam, and my dear Precious and Fei have to RUN to Coronation to get plug to plug the charger, before we can continue filming leh!!!!! I know these are 2 different things to begin with, but how can a leader be so 'AH LIAN' in handling stuff? I have been scolded by pastors before, but it was really my fault and my pastors did explain properly why am I so self-centred and stuffs, but after that they talked to me and edified me once again, but there was none of such things from that leader. All I got was rude stares and rude stares and rude stares, and did i mention rude stares? I was very down after that even though I did managed to hide it from all the leaders around me. But yep, God managed to come in at this time to talk to me. I was arguing with God, not being able to forgive that leader for her uncalled for actions and harsh words. All God said was, love is able to cover all wrongs. God can forgive me for my past wrongdoings, backstabbings, lies, vulgarities, pride, rudeness and stuff, why can't I learn to look at that leader through God's eyes. God has forgiven her, so why should I continue to bear bitternesS? So I asked God to take away that hurt and humiliation, and pray that in this period, let me be in those committees for a purpose that is to give glory to God and not glory for myself. I pray that I would learn to approach these tasks with God's strength and sustainence, rather than my own. Some say that Christianity is a refuge, something to feel good about, something to question when things are crashing in our life, where we naturally accept that it's God's will and that's that (which is seen as fanatically blind faith, going with the flow kinda stuff). Not entirely wrong about this statement I would say. Christianity, to begin with, is not a religion for me. I believe it was in the past, where Orthodox Christians used the Word of God and Christianity to manipulate their countrymen to keep order and create political furor and hypocrisy. I'm just a normal Singaporean. Putting my nationality aside, I'm just a normal person. There's nothing much to control me 'cept maybe the job I take and the house I live in. Perhaps, which bank I open an account with, and in the near future, which candidate I vote for. Basically there's nothing much to control. So Christianity is my belief, my relationship with God, not a religion that suffocates and dictates. Everyone needs a refuge. At the end of the day, even the strongest and fittest person who seems to have everything will break at some point in time. You are entitled to what kind of refuse you are looking for. Me? I'm looking for an ETERNAL refuge. Anything can make one feel good. iSense certainly does make my feet feel good. Believing in God makes my Spirit feel whole. And that is good. So I don't have to chase after temporal luxuries, but I can rest and claim God's promises for my life as I partner with Him in the Kingdom. When things are crashing in my life, it's only natural that I would question: What am I living for? What is my foundation based on? Why is the foundation I built in my life not steady enough? What am I looking forward to when I leave this world? What can I bring with me that is eternal and will not perish? My car? My hubby? My 'girl girl'? My money? But I have to be conscious if I am questioning or blaming. It's only when my foundation is build upon the rock of my salvation Jesus Christ, it would be the sturdiest foundation ever recorded in history. After making a few stands on certain things, it is apparent that when we know that something which is eternal and long-lasting and brings spiritual fulfilment is God, then anything that happens to us, we will be able to understand that it has a greater plan and purpose behind arranged by God in our destinies. Thus, believing in our destinies mean that God has the perfect plan to prosper us and give us a hope and a future, why should we still wan to go against God's will and settle everything with a human mind that was created by the Superior One? That's why I say that in learning how to take Jesus' perspective in handling such conflicts is still my way of seeking refuge, feel good, and accepting the process of molding for my life. |
thedeceptionist
Vanity isn't a sin, a little narcissm wouldn't hurt.24.working.talkative.illogical at times.music all her life.sing.dance.act.host. raspberry latte.iced caramel macchiato.krispy kremes loser.pasta.salmon sashimi.kimchi loves & hates
LOVES:
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Nintendo DS Lite RED |
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family ceh kor vips xing vanvan bitchy ex-colleague sherlyno friends for life conneo peijun jiez eileen gai takeabow
An accidentality production Inspiration from DancingSheep & BONBON:D |
theventingmachine
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