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Tuesday, May 30, 2006, 11:44 AM
Sometimes...
When I hear stuff that's about who-likes-who-and-who-doesn't, even though I may know that it's normal to be thinking about such stuff at their age, I do ponder if I'm like them as well, just that I function in a more mature manner, now that I'm no longer a teenager. I analyse that I may also be influenced by the 'attached frenzy' that's happening around me recently. It's the season, where people around you, close friends especially, fall in and out of love. I also know of some people hitting on someone from my circle of friends. Poly life and my relationship with God has somehow made me less boy-crazy (I hope). I know that during secondary school, life was about homework, ballet, God, and someone special. Unforch, that someone special in my life changes more frequently than my nail polish, and they are somehow not worth my time, or at least, that's what I found out at the end of my 4 years there. Poly-life was busy and hectic. Sure, there were times when someone liked me, but it's all about the timing, isn't it? So I had to resolve the issue, and move on together as friends, and nothing more. I liked a lot of guys in the ministry then, but yes, God is faithful. I either had too fickle a mind, or that guy would backslide. Or worse, the guy likes someone and got attached. Ha! What a way to wake my idea up. Anyway, there were at least 2 years, when I did not like anyone at all. Perhaps I'm afraid of me being hurt when my feelings are not reciprocated, perhaps it's because I managed to find companionship and godly advice from my best friend, so that I wouldn't be impatient and trust in God to wait. Either way, bottomline is, I'm just too busy to look for one. Now that I'm a leader in the new ministry, I find some freedom in making friends, and that though I have to be accountable, I'm given the liberty to make choices on my own. In the past, CKP had to ask me to tone down my friendliness towards members of the opposite sex, but now, he doesn't. And now, I'm afraid. I know my limitations, and I really hope that discouragements from close friends can make me wake up my idea, but somehow it seems that only my best friend is discouraging me strongly. I know that this is not the season for me. I want to impart my all and disciple my people!! Moreover, I don't want to be influenced just because people my age are falling in love, and somehow encouraging me to look for one, too. There's no logic, and it's peer pressure. Also, I don't want to send the wrong signals to an innocent nice guy!!! Help me, why does my friendliness get misunderstood and appeal to a certain type of guy (nice, innocent, shy, cute), and why does the guy I like (confident with a tinge of rebellion) is always so nonchalant about my friendliness, and never thinks of me more than just a friend?!! BUT! I choose to wait patiently in God, choosing to use this period of time to serve Him fervently, rising up to a new level of intimacy with Him, and learning to depend on Him, to secure my identity in Him. hear . me . rwr, .:rei |
thedeceptionist
Vanity isn't a sin, a little narcissm wouldn't hurt.24.working.talkative.illogical at times.music all her life.sing.dance.act.host. raspberry latte.iced caramel macchiato.krispy kremes loser.pasta.salmon sashimi.kimchi loves & hates
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